Do you hear me?

If you've ever tried to make room for yourself in an addicts head----its an extremely crowded room.  People from their past, the marching band bass drums going BOOM, BOOM, BOOM full of shame and guilt,  nightmares that carry on to day and this big omnipotent voice telling them---YOU MUST DRINK....it leaves little room for your seemingly now little voice.  Occasionally when they sober up you get a few words in but never for long as the addiction is like this upstairs neighbour thats moved in their head and wont get out.

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Well huh......

I worked so hard to try to make changes this last year with this but sometimes the universe has other plans.  I know so many people dont understand why I've stayed, but they dont seem to understand that its not so easy to leave.  You need the basics:  food, shelter and I cannot put myself at risk for homelessness.   Its not so easy to find work either when you've been unemployed and people look at your resume and wonder what's wrong with you.   You need a job to get a job and that's an obstacle that I wasnt able to conquer this last year>>

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Borough Market and Busy-ness

I had a meeting to go to on Saturday near Borough Market and actually took my camera out with me for once.  I even went to the Tate Modern for a little while and spent some time just wondering around looking at the changing leaves.   It felt fantastic.   I sometimes feel like in the busyness of life I forget what sustains me and that is my art.   I feel better when I have taken a photo, listened to some music, gone to an art gallery or a theatre trip.  The arts are who I am >>

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Rehab

So...My partner checked into a rehab facility about a week ago for alcoholism.  I can't believe it actually happened though because I never thought he'd get help and I never thought we'd find a way to pay for it.  Rehab aint cheap.....£5k a week more like it.  We tried to go through the NHS to get free help but because England has this lovely drinking problem it does the waiting lists are insane or are meant for people who are far less severe than James was.

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Les Miserables Easter

Its Easter break and Les Miserables is in town.  Greenwich is always popular for filming.  Last time I've seen a set this big though is Pirates of the Caribbean when they were here filming the last movie.  Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe are in the film....and apparently they are singing.  I've seen the play on the west end, the movie with Liam Neeson....do we really need another Les Mis movie?  The set has me curious though and its always nice to see your little village in a major motion picture film>>

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Keeping my head together

As you can see I've been pretty absent recently from the blogging world.  Any energy I've had I've put it into Scentsy and to keeping my head together.  Its been hard to do that frankly because I feel as if sometimes no matter how hard I try, how much effort I put in....I just can't seem to change things.  I see others who try 1/2 as hard as I do (well it seems) and progressing further and quicker.  I don't understand why it seems so difficult for myself to earn a bit of money.  Getting a job and my name doesn't seem to add up together >>

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Christmas and Quiet Days

I've been kind of withdrawing these last few weeks, recouping my energy from a very busy 2011.  I've slept a lot and maybe its the January blues.  I always am very reflective this time of year and probably far too hard on myself of what I have and what I haven't accomplished or what the new year will bring.  The truth is I don't know but all I can do is focusing on the best I can do each day which is all we have anyway.

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Recently III

Been really incredibly busy with Scentsy

.  Looking forward to a couple days break in the midlands with James' family.  Hoping for a lot of good things to come my way in the new year cause I'm exhausted frankly.  Only so many trials one person can deal with.  But have lots of hopes for the New Year:  Want to take more pictures and make more time for me amongst other things >>

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More Leeds and then a bit of London

These were all taken with the Fuji Instax Mini.  My word I love that camera.  The colors are to die for and it makes everything look like a watercolor.

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed since Leeds with emotions.  Feeling really lost and its been a real blessing to be able to turn to photography to find the words when regular talking seems to fail sometimes >>

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Leeds Castle Festive Fair

Spent the weekend at Leeds Castle and their Festive Fair doing a Scentsy stall.  We got to stay at their Bed and Breakfast on the grounds so we got to wonder around after hrs and get some great pictures in the early morning.  Leeds Castle is stunning and it could have been a cracking event.  Its a shame the Fair was so poorly organised though.  You just never know really with events >>

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